Make a YouTube channel they said, it will be fun, they said…it’s not. I have been wanting to do Minecraft content creation several times over the past ten or so years, I give it a good try every so often. I have made a few videos, but I have never actually uploaded ANY of them. I tell myself, this time it will be different, this time I will get it right. I will find the time, the space, the money, the connections, the confidence, the perfect excuse to not give up. Sound familiar?
Why keep doing it?
I feel the need to keep going even when it feels impossible, an innate desire to move forward until I burn out. When it’s gone, I’m done and on to the next thing. It’s hard to stay motivated for no reward, even knowing that the first, the second, even the 20th time I upload a video, it’s probably not going to go viral. It will likely never be seen by more than an handful of people. However, I will put if out there for a very critical audience, even though I’m not sure that I have the chops for it. This is my process, this is my hyperfixation at work. So why even do this to myself again?
Why? Why not? I love this game and I love to tell stories and I think I can put out something that is worth seeing. I want to share what I have, what I can do and maybe inspire others in the process either through my story telling and world building or just by not stopping even when it seems like I should. I want to push my own limits, and move the bar for myself. I want to know that I can push past the point of burn out. I don’t want to move on to the next thing.
Where to go from here?
Now, I have no idea how this is going to go, what the end result of all of this will be, but I know the potential it has, and that’s what I’m leaning into. I’m trusting the process and myself, even through the fear of rejection and the fear of not being good enough. I’m here, even though I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m here on my cheap little laptop and free online recording and editing software. I’m here with stories to tell and worlds to bring to life. I’m here to bring a little happiness to the world, one silly video at a time. It’s not the last failure that means anything, it’s the next try! I’m here to try, join me on my journey and see what I can do, be here too!